How to feel less lonely: small steps toward connection

Loneliness isn't about how many people you know. You can feel alone in a busy office or a relationship, and fine with a few close friends. It's the gap between the connection you have and the connection you want — and small steps can narrow it.

Very. In 2023, the US Surgeon General's advisory Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation reported that about half of US adults experience measurable levels of loneliness, and called social connection a public health priority. A meta-analysis of 148 studies by Holt-Lunstad, Smith and Layton (2010) found that people with stronger social relationships had a 50% greater likelihood of survival over the study periods.

Loneliness can make people more alert to rejection, which makes reaching out feel riskier — so they reach out less. A meta-analysis of loneliness interventions by Masi and colleagues (2011) found that approaches addressing these unhelpful thoughts were among the more effective ones. In practice: notice "they don't want to hear from me" as a thought, not a fact, and send the message anyway.

• Send one message to someone you haven't talked to in a while.
• Have a micro-conversation — the barista, a neighbor, a colleague.
• Go where people are — a café, a library, a park — even if you don't talk.
• Call instead of texting once this week.
• Help someone — a favor, a volunteering shift. Giving connects.
• Move your body outside — a walk improves mood and puts you among people.

Build rhythm and contact into the week: a standing weekly call with family, one recurring activity with the same people, a regular café or gym where faces become familiar. Invite someone over for something simple — tea, a movie, cooking together. Structure helps the evenings and weekends that feel longest.

Start with repetition. Friendships form through repeated time together — Jeffrey Hall (2019) estimated about 50 hours to become casual friends. Choose one weekly class, club or volunteering shift and go for two months. In the meantime, reconnect with old friends online. More

• Work from a café or coworking space once or twice a week.
• Turn the camera on for a short daily chat with a colleague.
• Schedule a lunch walk with a neighbor or friend.
• Join a professional community with regular meetups.

Invest in the relationships you already have — friends, family, community — and in activities that feel meaningful. Being single and being lonely aren't the same, and a strong circle makes both dating and being alone easier. Read how to meet people

Plan it in advance so it doesn't depend on mood. Put "message one person" on your daily plan as a small recurring task. In the Yez3 streak app, that can be your daily Minimum — one message counts. Your streak survives days off, and the AI coach writes first if it's still open near the end of the day.

Anton Bashmakov is the founder of Yez3, a task tracker, daily planner and AI coach that helps turn goals — including relationships — into small daily steps.

• Office of the U.S. Surgeon General (2023). Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community.
• Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. PLoS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
• Masi, C. M., Chen, H.-Y., Hawkley, L. C., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2011). A meta-analysis of interventions to reduce loneliness. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 15(3), 219–266.
• Hall, J. A. (2019). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 36(4), 1278–1296.